You cannot change this.

I told you this morning about my plans for the future. I remember the warm sun on my skin and my hair tied back in a loose bun as the dog sunbaked along with us, enjoying the morning but now I'm sitting in my blacken room, cold and isolated once again.

We talked about what we wanted to do and where we wanted to go and I loved it until I said I wanted to stand up for something that I am. You beat me down with your words that slipped like ice daggers into my heart, twisting once again.

I told you I wanted to try and show people that I am not wrong, not something to hate and not something that should be kept quiet but still, you told me to think about everyone else and to shut up for I had no experiences in the matter.

I asked you quiet plainly and simple, as if talking to a child of only 4 years, if it would be best to go and get myself hurt, bashed, shunned and hated like I already am and you just spat back that would never wish the sort so why did you tell me to shut up and lock myself away? Why did you tell me to keep in the closet?

Shouldn't I be breaking out of it? Shouldn't I be proud? Shouldn't I be happy for this is who I am? I like this, I like being this and I want other people to like me for being strong enough to love myself. I can't change this; nobody can so why must I keep quiet, as if it was some deadly and fatal sickness that is going to jump from one human to the next, infecting them and making them just like me.

Do I need to break away from this family, just to be who I am? Should I change my last name because you're so worried that I shall bring hatred and distaste to the family? You are trying to muzzle me, keep me quiet, silent once more just to protect yourself and you, say for me too.

I don't want to be protected and I don't want to be muzzled like some rabid wild dog that yanks on the chain of his master, ready to rip into the next thing that land in its grasp. I'm not evil. I'm not wrong. I'm not crazy. I am not what you want me to be.